Mrs. Maverick

Throw it down

Eleanor has this little box containing one book for each letter of the alphabet. They are poorly designed, cheap, cardboard impersonations of literature, but she loves them. Next to her budah (blanket), her bock (box) is it. Shawn and I try our darndest to keep each tiny volume in the bock, but to no avail. They find refuge under the crib, the piano, the couch, the dog bowl. Anyone who thinks there are only twenty-six letters in the English language should come to our house. We live by a different truth here. 

I was recently asked to recommend some baby gear for a first time mom. Funny how when I was pregnant with Eleanor so many things seemed essential. With Charles I think we could make it with a swing, a car seat and a carrier. Oh, and a bouncy seat. And a double stroller. So the question remains...which swing, car seat, etc?

Everyone's moving to Nashville and no one would believe me if I told them that I called it first. I've been scheming our transplantation down South for years and now several of our friends are fleeing New England to the greener, warmer, more affordable Tennessee grass. 

We move out of our place on April 26 and I have been steadily cleaning and packing. I am struck by how much we have accumulated over the years. When is optimal happiness achieved as far as stuff goes? Fourteen pairs of socks as opposed to thirteen? Five dresses as opposed to four? I am asking those questions, ridding our lives of excess and finding lightness along the way---a side benefit of drastic downsizing to be sure. 

I'm just going to write it: $7,000 a month when we were first married, $5,800 a month leading up to the time when Eleanor was born. $3,400 now. Full disclosure as far as our monthly income goes. I actually discovered that a friend of mine and her family are living on a similar amount and I felt encouraged and relieved to have the comradery. I also felt embarrassed because she does the living part with much more grace than I do. 

A walking we will go, rain or shine, in this sixty something degree weather. I am not eating as much sugar and I am putting quinoa, kale and avocado in a bowl and calling it truly yummy. I am praying more throughout the day and would not want God to have placed us in any other circumstance. I want to be here. It is amazing all of things you can do, the perspectives you can adopt when "less" is the rule. 

 

What can I do?

(As in, "what can I do?")

This post is part of a series of reflections called Project Less is More. This project chronicles (very irregularly) a financially stretching time in our family's life. Click here to start at the beginning.

The current circumstances are as follows: One mostly exhausted/sporadically energized mom, a mostly happy infant who laughs for mom and cries for poor dad, a mostly happy toddler with boundless energy who talks constantly and narrates her entire existence using single words and the phrase, "Us SEH?" (Translation: "What's that?" with an excited vocal lilt each time).  One dog of goodly disposition who is prone to want play time at the worst times. One car. One small car. Limited funds. Husband's busy season. Packing our condo up in a month's time in order to move out (we have renters!!) and move to a more affordable place. Deadline: May 1st. Well, prior to...

My account lacks lyricism to be sure. But I have an excuse and it is that I am crunchy, fried, frozen, as it were, given this endless deep-freeze of a winter we are having. I told a friend over dinner Monday night that I had felt as if I had bounced back a bit quicker with Charles than I did with Eleanor. A 9:45 bedtime, two feedings and a showerless morning later and...I TAKE IT BACK!!! When I said "bounced" I think I meant like a squash ball. I occasionally experience lightness as I travel through a day with energy only to be smashed against the wall the next day. And while in the past I'd seek a little solace in one of those embarrassingly huge pedicure chairs it is not the time for such indulgences. 

So, when energy is low and/or funds are dry, what can one do? (Because focusing on "can" instead of "can't" is what I am learning to do right now). 

If your energy is low:

Prioritize a short devotional and reading of scripture. The time given to this is always worth it and it sets your thoughts on Jesus and His intentions for your day. 

Dial down expectations. I had a list. It had six tasks on it. I accomplished the easiest two and that is okay. 

Spend more time on the floor with your kids. Read the same board book over and over again. Just be. 

Nap. Do it. If you are tempted to do something else once childrens' naps have commenced, stop. Nap. 

Don't default to television. Put on music instead. Classical is simultaneously calming and energizing. Jazz has this way of melting tension away. 

Don't stress about showering and getting yourself "made up" for the day. Wash your face, pull your hair back, put on clean clothes and a little chapstick. Maybe some mascara. 

Put on warm socks. I remarked to Shawn that I could not have survived the winter without my Smartwool. His raised eyebrows compelled me to respond, "And I'm not exaggerating!"

Breakfast for dinner. Yogurt, fruit, smoothies, toast, eggs. Fast results and minimum clean up are the goals. 

If money is tight (but energy is not necessarily so):

Start running. Truly the best thing I've done. I bundle C and E up in their snow gear, pop them in the double wide and jog for 30 minutes. Not only does running warm me up for the rest of the day, but it makes me feel so good afterwards. No getting to and paying for the gym necessary. (Don't be too impressed, after 18+ months of little to no cardio I am on the Couch to 5K program. I've heard of  pregnant women who can do high-impact exercise until they are eight months along. I am not one of those women). 

Scour Youtube for cardio, arm, yoga and stretching sequences to balance out the running or to use on a cold day. 

Keep your home neat. Little things like making your bed in the morning and periodically clearing the floors of toys and stuff maintains the integrity of your living environment. A new pillow or home decor related something-or-other might not be in the cards, but you can work with what you have by keeping it clean and clear.

And along those lines, organize something. Your silverware drawers. Your sock drawer. The kids' dresser. 

Make a new dish for dinner. Double the recipe and give some to a friend. You may not be able to give money or other gifts right now, but food is doable. 

Pre-baked bread looking pretty

Listen to sermons about money, stewardship, giving and God's provision. Here is an excellent Tony Evans sermon on Jehovah-jireh and a series by John Piper on laying up treasure in heaven. 

...

Philippians 4:19- And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

What we're made of

This post is part of a series of reflections called Project Less is More. This project chronicles (very irregularly) a financially stretching time in our family's life. Click here to start at the beginning. 

So, in the last five minutes I debated taking a nap because there are two sleeping babies in the house right now. I also debated starting a caffeine habit with an inaugural cup of espresso. I went to the Lazy Susan, spun it around to the instant espresso powder (which, up until this point, has only been used to add a little kick to the occasional batch of brownies), pulled the little jar out and stared at it for a few seconds. I put it back because, well, it's instant espresso powder. Who wants to say that they became addicted to caffeine on the crumbly, dehydrated, inferior granules of anything that has "instant" in its name? Despite these desperate times (sleep deprivation, the utterly languid mood of this household because this winter seems never, ever ending and has transformed us all into hibernating bears), I opted not to partake. 

Instead I popped some dark chocolate and almonds and decided to type away. 

...

We sold our second car one week after Charles was born. It was a dreary, rainy day. Not the kind of day you would expect people to go used car shopping. While I was cozy and cooped up in the living room, Shawn was playing car salesman in the garage beneath us. Four people visited and the last person, a handsome 40-something triathlete originally from England, ended up purchasing the car for his daughter--a newly minted driver apparently. He seemed a decent chap from what I could tell from our two minute conversation, so I felt good about selling the car to him. I also felt really good about selling the car, period. A burden lifted and I felt physically light. Shawn deposited the $8750 cash and I immediately paid off some debt and socked the rest into our bank account. Wish I could say it was for a rainy day...but the small cushion was necessary to carry us through the rest of the month. 

How candid should I be when it comes to the numbers? I thought about just stating the cold, hard dollar amounts, but I chickened out. So, another approach:

- In the past 1.5 years our income has decreased by 50%, when Eleanor was first born I went down to work part time so our income took a -25% hit and in the past 2 months (since Charles arrived) our income decreased by another 25%. 

- We have doubled the size of our family in that time. 

- Our students loans came due. Two Bachelor's and one Master's later and....yikes. 

To round out the story:

- I'm not working right now because I was a young, beginning teacher at a beginning salary which did not justify the cost of quality child care and I did not want to rely entirely on my parents to take care of our children. They have a business of their own and are quite busy. Plus I wanted to be with my babies for a little bit. I am going to be reevaluating my job situation in the coming months as Charles gets older and we look ahead to the summer and next school year. 

- We are looking to rent our place out and downsize for a period of time. Let's call this the next big move in our financial triage plan. Rent out our place by May, move somewhere more affordable for a year or so until we can regulate cash flow. In the meantime, Shawn will put his new CPA certification and MBA (so proud of him!) to work getting the promotions he deserves and we need. 

...

I do most of my driving/errand running in the evenings now when Shawn gets home from work and the kiddos are in bed. (Ah, the one car life.) Driving has always been one of my great releases. Traveling through space, listening to music, focusing on what is directly in front of me while also thinking about the universe at large. I do some of my grandest--as in ambitious but not necessarily good--thinking in the car. But I have had moments of extreme clarity while driving; past, present and future all come together and make sense in a single moment. 

Refined by fire is a biblical phrase that comes to mind when I consider this chapter. I am constantly being tested. How will I respond when I learn that the IRS mistakenly sends us a bill for $4000 in back taxes from 2011 in the midst of this mess? Or when Sallie Mae tells me that they have yet to process our several-month-old request to lower our monthly student loan payment? Will I flip? Will I blow up at those I love? Will I shake my fist at the sky? 

Thankfully, no. I mean, not most of the time. I mean, God has been so faithful to save me from myself during this time. The reason is this: I am not made of me, I am made of Him. Bought, covered, loved, inhabited by Jesus. And while my human and gut reactions are often to crumple into a woeful pile, I am reminded of all that He endured on my behalf and how I can bank my life on the fact that these trials are momentary and light. Do they feel light? Indeed not. But I know that they are. And that's that for now. 

I know, I know. You're welcome for writing an unrelated introduction about espresso powder and not sledgehammers. A little levity at the beginning in exchange for overall brevity. Deal? Deal.  

Cares aside on the carousel

Shawn took these wonderful pictures of me and Eleanor. 

 

Honestly...

...no one wants to read about finances. Money. Blah. Who talks about it, let alone devotes time to writing about it? But if we are going to be honest--let me rephrase that--if I am going to be honest here--I need to share a little bit about where I am right now. Even if "right now" lacks poetry...which it does. 

The fact of the matter is this: Shawn and I are learning the hard lesson of having to live on a lot less than we have ever had to. Simultaneous to this change is that we were unexpectedly blessed to become parents of two children in a very short period of time. To be clear, we were never resentful of God's timing in providing us with Eleanor and Charles, but as with many things we might have done it a bit differently. Waited a little longer. Saved a little more. Shawn owns that he would have liked to finish graduate school before becoming a dad. I would have liked to start graduate school. 

But...

James 4:13-15 says:

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” 

And...

Jeremiah 29:11 says:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

So...

Despite having days of seeming despair, I am continually reminded that His ways are higher, better and ultimately more fulfilling than mine will ever be. And blessings are continually before me: our health, our family, our children, our friends. 

In an effort to stay in this grateful, surrendered space I've decided to share some of the emotional and practical implications of this life change in hopes that it might also be helpful for someone out there. When we first knuckled down to trim our budget, I did lots of Google searching: "How to live on $X per month" and "How much does that average family spend, save, etc. per month". What I really wanted to pop up was a first hand, personal account of how a real family had gone through a financial squeeze. In the coming weeks, I'll share the facts of our situation and the things that I am learning along the way. I'll still write about other stuff, but for the sake of differentiation this story will be chronicled as Project Less is More. My hope is that a project, which at its outset might seem a bummer, will capture a time in our lives where God met us in the midst of our difficulty and grew us up in Him and showed us that He is the "more" that we both need and desire.