This post is part of a series of reflections called Project Less is More. This project chronicles (very irregularly) a financially stretching time in our family's life. Click here to start at the beginning.
So, in the last five minutes I debated taking a nap because there are two sleeping babies in the house right now. I also debated starting a caffeine habit with an inaugural cup of espresso. I went to the Lazy Susan, spun it around to the instant espresso powder (which, up until this point, has only been used to add a little kick to the occasional batch of brownies), pulled the little jar out and stared at it for a few seconds. I put it back because, well, it's instant espresso powder. Who wants to say that they became addicted to caffeine on the crumbly, dehydrated, inferior granules of anything that has "instant" in its name? Despite these desperate times (sleep deprivation, the utterly languid mood of this household because this winter seems never, ever ending and has transformed us all into hibernating bears), I opted not to partake.
Instead I popped some dark chocolate and almonds and decided to type away.
...
We sold our second car one week after Charles was born. It was a dreary, rainy day. Not the kind of day you would expect people to go used car shopping. While I was cozy and cooped up in the living room, Shawn was playing car salesman in the garage beneath us. Four people visited and the last person, a handsome 40-something triathlete originally from England, ended up purchasing the car for his daughter--a newly minted driver apparently. He seemed a decent chap from what I could tell from our two minute conversation, so I felt good about selling the car to him. I also felt really good about selling the car, period. A burden lifted and I felt physically light. Shawn deposited the $8750 cash and I immediately paid off some debt and socked the rest into our bank account. Wish I could say it was for a rainy day...but the small cushion was necessary to carry us through the rest of the month.
How candid should I be when it comes to the numbers? I thought about just stating the cold, hard dollar amounts, but I chickened out. So, another approach:
- In the past 1.5 years our income has decreased by 50%, when Eleanor was first born I went down to work part time so our income took a -25% hit and in the past 2 months (since Charles arrived) our income decreased by another 25%.
- We have doubled the size of our family in that time.
- Our students loans came due. Two Bachelor's and one Master's later and....yikes.
To round out the story:
- I'm not working right now because I was a young, beginning teacher at a beginning salary which did not justify the cost of quality child care and I did not want to rely entirely on my parents to take care of our children. They have a business of their own and are quite busy. Plus I wanted to be with my babies for a little bit. I am going to be reevaluating my job situation in the coming months as Charles gets older and we look ahead to the summer and next school year.
- We are looking to rent our place out and downsize for a period of time. Let's call this the next big move in our financial triage plan. Rent out our place by May, move somewhere more affordable for a year or so until we can regulate cash flow. In the meantime, Shawn will put his new CPA certification and MBA (so proud of him!) to work getting the promotions he deserves and we need.
...
I do most of my driving/errand running in the evenings now when Shawn gets home from work and the kiddos are in bed. (Ah, the one car life.) Driving has always been one of my great releases. Traveling through space, listening to music, focusing on what is directly in front of me while also thinking about the universe at large. I do some of my grandest--as in ambitious but not necessarily good--thinking in the car. But I have had moments of extreme clarity while driving; past, present and future all come together and make sense in a single moment.
Refined by fire is a biblical phrase that comes to mind when I consider this chapter. I am constantly being tested. How will I respond when I learn that the IRS mistakenly sends us a bill for $4000 in back taxes from 2011 in the midst of this mess? Or when Sallie Mae tells me that they have yet to process our several-month-old request to lower our monthly student loan payment? Will I flip? Will I blow up at those I love? Will I shake my fist at the sky?
Thankfully, no. I mean, not most of the time. I mean, God has been so faithful to save me from myself during this time. The reason is this: I am not made of me, I am made of Him. Bought, covered, loved, inhabited by Jesus. And while my human and gut reactions are often to crumple into a woeful pile, I am reminded of all that He endured on my behalf and how I can bank my life on the fact that these trials are momentary and light. Do they feel light? Indeed not. But I know that they are. And that's that for now.
I know, I know. You're welcome for writing an unrelated introduction about espresso powder and not sledgehammers. A little levity at the beginning in exchange for overall brevity. Deal? Deal.
Shawn took these wonderful pictures of me and Eleanor.